The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
