Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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