so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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