I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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