Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
