Will you blow on my dice?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
