It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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