So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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