I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Randomize
