Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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