She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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