Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
