It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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