I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
