no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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