It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
