Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
