I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
