I'd wear matching sweaters with you
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
