She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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