please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
