This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
