I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
