I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
