I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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