My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
