he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
