i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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