I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
