Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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