The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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