come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
