i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
