i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
