VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
