High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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