It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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