Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
