Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
