apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
