I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
