My room smells like vodka and shame
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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