My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
