Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
