I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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