your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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