he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
