kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
