Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
