i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
ttyl tear gas
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Randomize
