Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i came on her dog
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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