Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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